It’s natural isn’t it?
This post is for the Writing Workshop #19 at Sleep is for the Weak. I have taken prompt 4 -‘Share a time when you felt a deep sense of rejection’
My pregnancy had gone well. I had watched my weight carefully & being 1976 the weather for a summer birth was glorious. The ‘Bump’ was getting beautifully brown! I’d had to have stitch put in before I became pregnant because I’d had a couple of miscarriges . Rather than wait for me to go off bang, the plan been to take it out a week before my due date then send me home & wait for things to happen. As it turned out, they decided to break my waters whilst I was in that really unflattering position between the stirrups (sounds like a Dick Francis novel) so ‘Bump’ was to arrive a week early.
Generally it was OK. We passed the time doing numerous crosswords & talking cricket (subject for another blog!). After about 18 hrs they gave me one of those wonderful epidurals which meant I didn’t feel a thing from that moment on! My darling son was born after 29 hrs & as all parents know, life was never the same again!
I was in a main city hospital which was very busy but I got lots of attention. I was assured that I would not need to get up in the middle of the first night. They would feed him & we could start ‘meal times’ together the next morning. After a reasonable sleep I was woken by a nurse bringing me this bundle that I now had responsibility for. She explained the procedure for breast feeding. It was easy. It was natural. To give me some privacy (the ward was full of mothers feeding babies!) she drew the curtains around us.
Well, I’m sure I had listened carefully & had followed the instructions but nothing seemed to be happening. I kept taking him off then putting him back again but no – no interest at all. Panic began to creep up. What was I doing wrong? How could I attract anyone’s attention? If my son was not eating, would he become ill? You can imagine where my imagination went with me! There I sat for a good half hour, feeling rejected by this new person before he had even met me. Rejected by the hospital staff who had just left me and rejected by motherhood – I couldn’t do the most natural thing in the world!
Needless to say, they came & rescued me & feeding was fine. However, I got myself in a real state when at 6 weeks, the midwife told me my son was not making enough weight gain & I should transfer to bottle feeding! I was devastated. I thought I’d got it cracked but obviously no. I had been starving him!! I immediately went & bought bottles, formula & all the other contraptions that go with it. My doctor told me a week later that it had not been necessary to change as although my son was not putting on a great deal of weight, he was making good progress. By then though, it was too late.
Thankfully, no damage was done. He has grown into a wonderful man with a good appetite! However, for that little time, I was worried that I was going to be the cause of unbelieveable damage!
How was it for you? Was it natural?