It shouldn’t be like this!
She was a female member of the family who was in a position of trust. The job description, had there been one, would have read ‘To care for, look after, respect & encourage’. With that in mind you would expect lots of hugs, lots of ‘well done’ perhaps the odd – ‘I’m very proud of you’. But it wasn’t like that.
Her word was law. I would never dare question her. I would never dare disobey. I questioned my actions & motives. A voice would say ‘It isn’t fair’ but it would only be heard in my head & only for a short time until the other voice said ‘But it is you who are wrong’.
As the years went by I suppose it became a habit. A sort of dripping tap that I didn’t even realize needed turning off. Now she’s gone & I’ve found the scars. They are trying to raise themselves so that I can pick them & finally remove them but as we all know the first pick is OK but when it comes to full removal, it really hurts.
The voice is now saying ‘It shouldn’t be like this’. Should it?
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This post is for Week #27 of Writing Workshop at Sleep is For the Weak . It is prompt 5 which simply says ‘She’.
I hope seeing this helped you deal with the scars and that this is making your life easier and happier. Why is it so hard to let go of harmful relatives while they’re still alive? Is it because we feel that even if they hurt us they belong to us and we’d be poorer without them? Is that a healthy?
I can relate to this my lovely friend. xxxxx
Well done for writing this down, I hope it has been a cathartic process. I come from a line of ‘shes’ too and it is SO undermining, I am trying very hard not to replicate the behaviour with my DD. Thought provoking post again J!
C xx
It does make me worry that I could inflict the same thing on my DS but he assures me I don’t. Felt a bit disrespectful as it was my mum. Thanks for your supportive comment Chris!
Wow this really is a powerful post. My favourite of yours to date., underlined by the number of comments. Honest, personal, raw. i can emphathise with so much of this, you have described it so perfectly. Trying to please someone who can never be satisfied. Who makes you feel inadequate. Not good enough just to be you. Sows the seed of perfectionism, which affects everything in later life.
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Many, many thanks for your thoughtful comment. Yes you do end up striving for perfection & very low self esteem. That’s why my blog & responses are so important to me. Thanks for being a regular!
What a brave post. Some burdens are hard to shift aren’t they, we just have to put them in a box in the corner of our mind and close the bloody lid! A big hug for you. And then an extra one xx
Thank you! Hugs always help! Shutting lid now!
No. It should not be like this. And the fact you can SEE this now, that you know this, shows you are different and that you haven’t let that pervasive attitude change you or spoil you.
Here’s to healing, and here’s to you.
Much love x
That is very sad and honest. Scars do run deep and the scar tissue remains, but they do fade in time to just silvery lines. Don’t let anyone ever open them up again, will you? Hugs.
I’ll try! Better informed now! Thank you so much for commenting. Means such a lot!
Really moving. No, it should never be like that. I guess recognising that is the first step towards moving on, if that’s the right thing to say, time can be the only thing that heals from then on in. Beautifully written, made me feel angry for you..
Thank you for your comment & support. It helped writing about it
You are right! It shouldn’t be like that at all. I wonder if some people realize the scars they leave.
Brave post.
Thank you so much for leaving a comment. It makes it worthwhile!
Aww, that was very moving and you’ve left me wanting to know so much more. Hugs. x
Maybe we can have coffee & I’ll tell you….!
This is very moving. It shouldn’t be like that. My mother grew up with constant criticism and lack of warmth. She’s done a very good job considering her lack of role model. It is possible to get through these things.
I’m sure it is. Thank you for sharing!
Ps I meant my children not me children! I sounded Irish for a minute.
But we all love the irish don’t we ! 😉
I hear this as the nagging voice of self-doubt actively encouraged by another. It’s unfair when it is done to us by someone we trust and love. I had a comment from my “she” the other day. She was telling me about the food revolution Jamie Oliver has been doing in the US. The importance of using fresh food etc. And then she added, “but of course he wouldn’t approve of your blog because the stuff you have on it is so fatty.” I’ve been taking the punches all my life (just as she did from her “she”). That’s why giving me children acceptance and confidence is my no 1 priority. It’s time to break the chain. Looks like you have done that with your son. Yesterday’s video tribute alone was a sparkling example. Anyway, I am waffling now! I hear ya that is all.
What a wonderful comment! Thank you so much. It means so much to me!
I think the thing that strikes me with your story is your strength and courage in realising it does not have to be that way. Often you hear about stories where behaviour like this is passed down generations, like some horrible vicious circle, as people “do not know any better”. Thank you for breaking the cycle. x
You have made me feel much better! Thank you!
Of course it shouldn’t be like that, but when you’re young, you know no different. At least the dripping tap has been turned off and it has taught you a valuable, if painful lesson, on what not to do. Let the scabs fall off and the scars heal and move on knowing that you are right. x
Thank you for your support. It is great to know you are all out there!
I remember when I realised that adults were flawed. It’s their fault not yours – it never was yours. You were a victim of their failings but now you are a survivor. Be strong and grow. xx
Thank you for your supportive words!
I tried to see your latest post but there was nothing there! I get email alerts but there was nothing to read or comment on!!
Yes – sorry it was a technical glitch – I am such a luddite. I made a boo boo!
Picking scars makes them bleed. Make sure you have a large tissue to mop them up. This is very similar to something I could have written.
I hope things ‘heal’ quickly for you
Thank you for your comments & for visiting. Do pop in again!
Very powerful and honest. I hope it helps those scars to heal.
Thank you! It must be getting better because I can talk about it now.
This is so sad adn no it shouldnt be like this, but it is a great example of what not to do,
I do hope I don’t do it!
Wow, that was powerful. No it shouldn’t be that way.
Many thanks for stopping by & commenting. It means so much!
It shouldn’t be that way, not at all. Hugs.
Thank you! Gratefully received!
The trouble with picking scars is that they then run deeper and become more prominent. Stop picking and use that energy to remind yourself what a wonderful person you are x
Good advice! I’ve really only just started to realise what happended so it is quite early in the process I suppose.
Thank you for commenting!
I am sad typing this, no, it shouldn’t be that way, ever. What makes it so sad is that the damage lasts for sooo long, if only they knew!
Absolutely! It makes you very nervous in your dealings with people to make sure you are not like that!
NO!! It shouldn’t be like this….and you’ve proved that yourself a million times over. ‘She’ was wrong, you were right, you managed to hold onto yourself despite all that. Keep picking away, the wounds will heal…
xxx
THanks P! It has been a hard & long journey but I’m getting there!
HUgs.
Aw thank you! Thank you too for visiting!
Hmm. Sounds horrible…but also sounds like you have recognised something important here.
It has taken a long time!