Confessions of a Newbie!
There seems to have been lots of serious thinking over the past few days about blogging & what it means & involves. Paula’s post here questions whether blogging is a selfish activity. She also considered her own authenticity here
Although this is not exactly navel gazing, it got me trying to clarify my thoughts about my blog & its purpose. I’m not really sure how it started. I’m an avid twitterer & have separate groups for writers, vicars, mums, school governors. Many of the people I follow have blogs & it seemed to be a good idea somehow. I didn’t have a plan as in having a particular subject that I was passionate about. I’m not in business so don’t have anything to sell. I just thought it would be something new for me to try on my new journey since retiring.
I’ve been doing it for about 6 weeks now & I’m really enjoying myself. I love that people stop by & leave comments. I love to see re-tweets promoting my posts. I love being part of the regular happenings like Writing Workshop or the Gallery. Just like Nickie at Typecast tweeted, I’ve felt withdrawl symptoms when I haven’t contributed.
However, it has its down side!
Like Jay at the beginning of her post I began to feel pressured into posting regularly. Where did this pressure come from? Was it my anxious nature throwing a pebble into the blogger sphere pool to unsettle me? I have learnt that when my anxiety strikes I have to try & unpick my feelings which I’m not good at doing. With the help of my wonderful OH & a special virtual friend, I came to see that I was getting caught up in a world that my nature is not really suited to.
It was a world of competition, not for awards necessarily, but for hits on my site, for comments on my posts & for that graph to be soaring ever upwards. No-one had forced me into this world. I just seemed to get pulled along with the enthusiasm & the kudos of having such recognition. That is the pressure. It’s the sort that every success brings I suppose whether you are an Oscar winner or a retired woman at home writing a blog!
It was not meant to bring me worry. It was not meant to stress me out. I had enough of that as a Head teacher. However, like being a HT it can be great. The adrenalin rush is a real high & you don’t want to give it up – certainly not voluntarily.
So…what to do?
Well, I’ve decided to make a written commitment to you Dear Reader in the hope that you will help me. I will try not to be so obsessed & paranoid. I will try to accept that I am still new, learning & growing as a writer all the time. I will try to control my envy & covetousness of all those talented people who readily share their skills with me.
Above all, I will keep reminding myself that this is for me. This is my fun. If I have company then great, but I can do it on my own!
Have any of you had the same sort of experience? How did you manage it? What steps did you take to overcome it?
This post is a late addition to Writing Workshop #20 I choose prompt 2: Tell me about a time when you had a moment of realisation and knew that something HAD to change